I had a good Mother’s Day yesterday, I hope all you other mothers (and potential mothers)did too. That’s not what I’m going to write about though.
So, I couldn’t sleep for some reason last night and I dug out some old journals from my last trip to Russia (’95-’96) and stayed up reading them until about 3am. You know, it’s interesting to me that it doesn’t just feel like “oh, that was so long ago,” (Obviously international travel has not been a part of my third decade :() but, it almost feels like it didn’t really happen, like it was a dream or a movie or something, or like it happened to someone else and somehow I just happen to know about it. And the more time that passes the less details I remember–which, I’m sure is totally normal, but …it’s still sad. I may have been young and a bit obnoxious, but I liked who I was and I was generally happy to be me. I think that is something that has made this a difficult decade for me, because I did like who I was and then kinda outta nowhere (not that I mean there weren’t circumstances and that ‚ I just did this out of the blue and am not owning the responsibility, I know, I KNOW) I suddenly felt like I couldn’t be that person anymore and it has been a real struggle trying to become someone else that I like just as much (not that I’m there yet but I am working on it, and NOT to mean that the things in my life were better before and that I don’t LOVE and appreciate the things in my life now and during the last decade!) I simply mean (although, it is not a simple thing) that I don’t neccessarily like the way that I have felt or acted or handled situations for several years now and I am tired of being that person. I am ready to like me again. And if it means forging through some potentially uncomfortable times and situations, I think I am ready to put forth the effort. I deserve it. My family deserves it. My best years can be yet to come! BRING ON THE THIRTIES!!!
I debated long and hard about whether or not to write this post and in the end, obviously, I decided to go for it. So, before I get into it, those who are easily offended may wish to stop reading now. So, ok, you are family now, all my life (ok, the last eight years or so) I have been pregnant and nursing. My hormonees have been all out of whack. And while I endured some pregnancy symptoms, miscarriage, grueling labor (ok, I had it easy compared to many…but c’mon, it WAS still LABOR!!!), stitches “down there,” overproductive mammaries, leaking, chapping, chaffing, cracking, stretching, and mastitis, the one thing my body did that tried to compensate for all my suffering was to eliminate the annoying monthly menstruation. That’s right, EIGHT YEARS period free (more or less)! And now that Elena is with us and we feel that our family is complete, I knew that it would just be a matter of time before “Flo” returned. I had actually been wishing to go into early menopause and just be done with the whole crazy cycle altogether, but this was not to be for me. So, as of this morning I have returned to the state of womanhood that we all must inevitably endure. My first thought: “Bears smell the menstruation!” Great! Do I have to worry about bears now?! While you may be thinking–TMI! Please remember that you were warned that you did not have to read this entry. Also, many of you (I actually have no idea who all is reading this blog and just not leaving comments) may remember the fairly graphic emails I’ve sent out in the past when I gave birth to Jacob, when I miscarried, and when my cat Venus died, so this is along those lines. Personal, yes. Graphic, perhaps. Polite table conversation, um..probably not. Still, I figure it is a natural phenomenon which all women share and all men fear–but should make some attempt to understand. Our bodies go through so many incredible changes, it is simply amazing what all we are “built” to do! So while I begrudgingly wander back to the corner of Wal-Mart to discreetly pick up some period paraphanalia, and hope that I’m not headed for a trip down the Nile, I pause to appreciate the near decade that was “The one without menstruation.” And I will return to my place among post-pubescent/pre-menopausal women battleworn and scarred and ready for the next miraculous adventure.
Star Wars Lego II the Original Trilogy Edition is coming out in September. For those who have not played the Star Wars Lego game you are truly missing out. I love playing with Jacob and Cameron!!!
So Kate and I are suiting up for a midnight Kalona run for some righteous cheese curds! Oh NO! Mennonites aren’t open at midnight! Whatever will we do?
‚ So, today I have a doctors appointment. I get to go in and admit to my doctor (who only three weeks ago “prescribed” that I need to walk OUTSIDE for at least 20 minutes every day) that in the last 21 days I have walked maybe 7 times. I have taken my vitamins daily since then, so that is a start, but I am just still having trouble getting motivated. And while I am talking about my personal failures, I must add this because honestly, I feel worse about this: Yesterday was my brother-in-law’s birthday (and while I never call my in-laws personally to congratulate them–don’t ask me why?! I always call Josh to make sure that he remembered to call them.) and Josh was traveling for work and every time we tried to talk on the phone we got disconnected and by the time he got home I was zoned in front of Top Chef on Bravo and basically ready for bed AND I DID NOT EVER REMIND HIM, and apparently he did not make the call. So, I feel awful because I am the one with the memory for those kinds of things and messing up something like that really makes me feel like I am losing it! So, even though I’ve known in the back of my head that we will be seeing Josh’s brother this weekend and we can congratulate him then and give him a present (which, now that it is in my blog we MUST remember to do! lol) it is no excuse for not calling on the actual day. I am sorry. Please forgive us. We were thinking of you and hope that you truly had an awesome day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN!!!!!! 
(Apparently this is the only picture I have of Steven on our computer!) (With that said, I refer to the feelings of my earlier post about time going so quickly, when Josh and I were dating and I first met Steven he was a very cute tiny little 8 year old–that’s only one year older than Jacob is now!!! ‚ Wow.) And now I feel like I have to go squeeze my kids and make sure they know I love them even though I am personally a mess sometimes. They will be grown and gone before I know it!
‚ So, I’m having kind of a crappy day today and I have decided to escape for a moment into Blogland. I don’t really have anything newsy to write about so I am going to introduce you to my pet cat, Phoenix.
Isn’t he a cutie? We got him from the ARL last October. I let the kids name him. He is a Himalayan with possibly some other breeds like Ragdoll. He is a real lover. He likes to sit in the windows and play with baby toys. He also likes to try to distract me when I’m working at the computer by jumping on my lap and nudging my arm untill I pet him. If I can manage to ignore the initial nudging then he resorts to licking my arm. If I still do not respond then he will climb up on the desk and sit down right along the keyboard with his fur all up over it so I cannot type. He’s even good with the babies.
So, last night as I was putting myself to bed at 9:30 while Whose Line was still on, it really occurred to me that I am going to be 29 in a matter of days really. ‚ And while normally I am not one of those people that makes a big deal out of turning 30 (except to ‚ tease friends who do and are closer to it than I), I really started to think “where has the time gone?” It seemed strange to think how long ago it really was that I was celebrating my 19th birthday in Russia. 10 years. A decade. Now, I’ve been saying these things to myself for a while now, but what I think really hit me last night was that of course (especially since I am somewhat a History person) a “decade” doesn’t really sound all that long, but when you are 30, a decade is ONE THIRD of your entire life thus far! And who knows how much more life you are going to be given. (I tried very hard to steer clear of thoughts of mortality, which, for those of you who know me well–you understand, and for those of you who don’t, you can ask but generally I don’t like to talk about it–it freaks me out. ‘Nuff said.) So what I was really thinking was…what have I done with the last third of my life? Of course there are the obvious answers (and I am in NO way meaning to belittle their importance!): I got married, had kids, put my family through school, made and lost track of some friends, gained weight, did laundry…but somewhere along the way, I think I got lost.
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Elena has two new teeth! That makes 6! My baby’s getting SOOO big! (tears!)
Hello and happy Monday morning to you. I’d like to welcome my parents to the site, I see they posted yesterday. Welcome. So, here it is Monday morning and I’ll probably spend most of the day (that is when I’m not immediately needed by one of the children) trying to figure out what I should do tonight. Monday night is 24 night you see and so Josh will be putting the kids to bed a bit early and then getting on the eliptical and watching 24. Usually this is a good time for me to go out, but today I really have nowhere to go and I should not spend any money. But it seems that I so rarely get out I hate to miss an opportunity! Anyone else out there catch the rematch between Morimoto and Chef Donna? Battle squid. Ick. I did take my 20 minute walk outside yesterday. ‚
For the first time in probably over a decade I did some gardening/yard work today. We borrowed a de-thatcher from some friends and are attempting to improve the nasty lawn we inherited with our house. We have like the worst lawn in the neighborhood (something you might think I would be used to–jab at the jungle prairie on Mulberry Ave) and I so envy the neighbors with their lush green lawns and well manicured plantings (just not enough to spend the money on the lawn care specialists that they all pay to come and take care of everything for them). So while Josh de-thatched and Jacob and Elise ran the dead grass to the flower beds to be used as mulch and Elena ate dirt and Cameron played ninja turtle video games inside by himself because he refused to come out, I dug up all the weeds in the flower bed on the north side of the house and replanted some flowers left over from my sister’s wedding and just when I’d finished all that Elise brought me the mail which contained our 10 free flowering trees and lilac bush from the National Arbor Day Foundation. And, at just this time my sister and Scott pulled up and advised us on just what to do with our puny little trees. (Seriously, they’re like no bigger than chopsticks!) I think we may grow them indoors for a year or two and then transplant them when they’re a bit bigger. We have rabbits in the neighborhood. BTW, Cameron did eventually come out. GOOD MOMMY DAY FOR ME!!! I will also mention here that Josh had to work this morning and I single-handedly got all the kids dressed and ready and took them ALL by myself to Jacob’s first T-ball game! (pat myself on the shoulder) (Can’t reach my own back 
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