Josh and Becca Thrap and Family

It’s true.  And so, it is no small thing that I am writing here in front of all of you that I am going to lose weight.  I have carried the weight of being “plus-size” for the majority of my life.  At times my stature and jolly personality have helped to disguise my–dare I say it?  I dare.–obesity.  It is an ugly word.  It stirs frightful feelings in people large and slim alike.  And to spare myself some dignity I will not try to determine the level of my obesity (moderate, morbid, super morbid, etc) or discuss that here, but my point is that I have had enough.  It’s not difficult to find people on tv or in my community that I perceive to be “worse off” than myself and I think perhaps I have become complacent in my overweightness.  I first started to notice that I was getting larger than my peers in about fifth grade.  I have struggled with my weight and related self-esteem ever since.  When I was still an adolescent I had a poster on my bedroom wall that was a blown up photograph of a very round panda bear with the words “I’m not fat, I’m just fluffy.” printed at the bottom.  I’ve used all the excuses and cutesy catch phrases.  As a teen my weight yo-yoed in conjunction with my international travels.  At my slimmest ever I was 19 years old and a thick size 12.  People who were used to seeing me as a 16 said that I looked ill.  Ah, to be even a 16 again!  I know that most women turned mothers complain about the tedious task of losing the “baby weight.”  For me this has never been the problem.  For me, the real problem weight gain came after the baby when depression set in and I gained a whopping 55 lbs in about a three month period of time.  That 55 pound burden has been impossible to shed, and every year another 5-7 pounds sneaks in to raise the total.  Of course I’ve tried all kinds of things to lose the weight, but after about a month or two with no result I tend to give up.  Last February for the first time in over 7 years I started to lose weight!  I eventually lost a total of about 24 pounds and went down a jean-size and a half!  But then, I didn’t just stop losing weight, I started gaining again for no apparent reason.  So I got very discouraged and basically gave up again.  But the weight kept adding on and now I am at my absolute heaviest ever–and I am NOT happy about it.  And I just realized that it has been a year.  Another YEAR!  Waisted!  (teehee)  So…I am going to lose weight.  It’s not going to be easy because, as I mentioned in my title, I love food!  This is not a “New Year’s Resolution.”  It’s more like a revolution.  I am tired of living like this.  I am sick of feeling like less of a person inside because I’m more of a person outside.  So, the first thing I’m changing is that I am not going to eat fast food.  Already that has been a hard one, but so far my 2007 is fast food free.  Also, I am back to counting calories and I’m going to start drinking my water again.  And finally, I am going to put to use my eliptical machine and Power 90 tapes.  I am going to live proactively.  I am going to experience life, not just live it.  I owe it to myself, my family and my friends.  If any of you have ever felt insecure about your weight you know the last thing you want is people giving you “those” looks and asking if “you really need to eat that?”  It’s not helpful, it’s hurtful.  So I am reaching out to all of you for your support.  Please.  Encourage me.  Nag me.  Whatever.  I have 100 pounds to lose and I turn 30 this Spring.  I’m not happy about either of these things but I accept them as fact.  I cannot change the fact, but I can lose the weight and hopefully regain my youthful energy.  I will post updates here and hopefully you can leave me comments of encouragement.

Happy New Year!  Here’s to a new me!