Josh and Becca Thrap and Family

You know, that time when you have a really really crappy day at home, one so bad that you develop a headache that keeps you up at night. And then while you’re laying there trying desperately to fall asleep–mostly just so you won’t feel your head anymore, your mind goes all Dickens and starts working one of those awful yet inspiring guilt numbers on you about how your time on this Earth is limited and you don’t know when it’ll be up. You know, like “A Christmas Carol” without all the spirited visitors (then you have that brief moment of panic where you check in with as many of your vitals as you can to make sure that THIS is not your moment of expiration!) Then as your panic settles you start working on your new resolutions: I want my family to know how much I love them and how special they are to me. I will not yell at my kids. I will kiss my spouse. I will be more actively involved. I will clear up the clutter that is bogging me down and I will live proactively. This is my life, it’s up to me to make it worth something. If I’m so unhappy now, then I should change! And then your meds finally kick in and you drift off to sleep and have a dream that makes you very uncomfortable but shows you that you can live through some awfully uncomfortable situations so when you wake up you feel kicked in the butt and ready to share your revelations! You try sqeezing the new ideas into your children–trying to explain to them while giving them hugs as though you never held them before and you have to make up for it. Of course after several minutes they start to roll their eyes and arch their backs and try to get away to play.
Anyway, I’m not dead yet, and I’m going to try to start LIVING again. (and LOVING.) There may be some awkward moments to get through in order to make some progress, but things won’t just get better on their own. So here I go…